Waiting for Life to Start

What to do when what you’re doing isn’t working

A former student sits back down in front of her webcam, having found the tissues she was looking for. She wipes her eyes and laughs and points out there are tears on the lenses of her glasses.

She pauses for a while and looks at the corner of her desk like it’s the edge of the world, then says something she seems surprised to hear:

“I mean…is this all there is?”

We both breathe deeply as we let the question fizzle in the quiet that follows.

Is this all there is?

Do you ever wonder the same thing?

In the midst of your life, your work, your relationships, paying bills and buying things on Amazon — do you wonder if this is the experience you are meant to have?

Because it feels pretty disappointing sometimes, doesn’t it?

It did for my former student.

It has for me.

I’m guessing life’s felt disappointing for you as well.

I ask her why things feel so disappointing and she launches in to the litany of things she’s been programmed to believe would deliver her joy.

She sniffles and says,

Well…I was involved in…